107. You don’t have your mind... right!

Imagine Cool Hand Luke’s Strother Martin whining that if you don’t have your mind right, you’re gonna spend a night in the box!

In my entire career of making and breaking New Year’s resolutions, I have only kept two. Both, in a way, involve movies. The first one, and the simplest, was “Walk out of a movie the first time you think you should.” Movies don’t get better as they go along. Once you think they’re bad, they’re bad, and they’re going to stay bad. My record is five minutes... and I broke my resolution on that one, anyway, as I wanted to scoot after the opening shot. And no, I’m not going to tell you which movie it was. 

My second keepable New Year’s resolution was “If you ask someone for advice, take it.”

I used to critique screenplays for free. It’s something I’m good at. I like helping people. People have done a lot for me; it seemed like a good idea in the Karma Dept. to help out. A few years ago, a woman gave me her script. I spent hours and hours going over it, making suggestions. The script had some major, but solve-able, problems, but, left intact, they would kill the story. I met with her and gave her a detailed rewrite plan. She said “Thank you very much,” and sashayed off. A year went by. She came to me again, and asked me to read her rewrite. She had made none of the changes I suggested and her script still sucked, and here she was, asking me to donate more of my time, giving input she wasn’t going to follow anyway! 

Now, I charge money. You can take my advice or not, but you won’t be wasting my time for free.

If you are asking someone for advice, in theory they know what they’re doing or you wouldn’t approach them. So, why would you ask their opinion and fail to heed it? If you spit on their thoughtful ideas, will they want to help you again?

Many people in the entertainment business genuinely want to help beginners. Unless they are Mickey Rooney or the Olsen twins, once upon a time, they too were beginners. Everybody can remember when they knew nothing, had nothing, and needed help. Many people feel a willingness to lend a hand to a newbie, but you have to make it easy for them. Make it pleasant for them. Help them help you. Don’t hound them with Emails, or phone calls or piles of material, when they haven’t finished reading your first one. 

Treat someone who is willing to help you like a rare, precious, and delicate flower, that, if you breathe on it too hard, it will die.

Get your mind... right.

Don’t accept an internship and then ask if they can pay you. 

Don’t ask someone to get you a job, and when they deliver, decide you don’t want the job. They will write you off forever and Email all their friends about what a cretin you are.

You can’t be irritable. You can’t get upset if people take too long to read your stuff. 

Whatever you do, don’t lie. Don’ tell someone you want to move to Los Angeles, and after they’ve read your script and said “It’s great...” tell them you can’t move just yet. Can you say, “Death knell?” There. I knew you could.